Not Yesterday, Not Tomorrow, Today

This book jumps from present to past in my moments of PTSD when I relive the events that make these entries. The entire time from when I was six years old to when I am thirty years old in 2020 forms the complete book you now hold in your hand. Through the journey you take with me, my past is slowly disclosed in sections via chapters. I have a chapter for each phase of my life I was struggling with, such as depression, PTSD, abuse, and the major one for me--my miscarriage and death of my son, which is what birthed this book.This book was designed to be in the form of a journal instead of a communication between two people so that you could take this journey with me in these different areas of my life and because these journal entries were my therapy and way to survive. Through my journal entries in this autobiography, you can feel the raw emotion with me in the moment. You will feel the thoughts as they dripped with reality. I was very much a part of each chapter, disclosing the very real struggle in which I was thrown. Slowly the entire picture is painted before you. With every step you take into my journey, you become one step closer to understanding what life was like for me. This isn't your typical autobiography where someone sits and tells you about their life. In this autobiography, you get the chance to live it with me and all the people that it includes and all the experiences it conveys. You travel in my footsteps through my memories of the life I have lived and currently live. You read the experiences that have shaped the person who stands here today. This wasn't an easy road for me, and it has taken much courage to display these very authentic and real pages from my actual journal during this time.My aim is to have this help someone see the positive in life and be an encouragement in rough times in the wisdom I disclose from these experiences in my life. However, it is mostly for myself to say--I am still here to give a voice to the little girl who has been trapped inside for thirty years and to show the many ways that I am still fighting this fight. It is to give a voice to my son and the reality of miscarriage many do not see and those who do live with it on a daily basis. This is to give a voice to the all the struggles this covers and to the one struggling and to break the silence. Are you ready to come? Are you to come on this journey with me?

-- Ruth H. B.